Often I hear women complain that all men want is sex or that all women only want relationships. Most women are afraid to sleep with someone on the first date out of fear that they’ll look like a slut, while most men are afraid to be honest with not wanting a relationship and fear she won’t sleep with him because of that truth. The the thing is: Not all women want relationships, and not all men just want sex. Everyone is different, and you shouldn’t let the dread of dealing with being honest about your intentions get in the way of what you want. Life is short; live a little. There’s nothing wrong with a little casual sex!
I have a really good-looking male friend, who can have any woman he wanted that’s into the super-fit superhero types (my nickname for him is Superman, FYI). I always love our chats about sex and dating because it gives me reason to write stuff like this. Case in point: After doing the Tinder run for a while, he decided to give Bumble a go. Tinder is a mobile dating app, which allows users to swipe left (if you hate ’em) or right (if you like ’em). Unlike POF or OKC, only users who match can message each other. Bumble is similar except for the fact that women are the ones, who have to start the conversation first, otherwise risking losing the match forever if they don’t make the first move within 24 hours. It forces women to be the instigator, which is the reason why Bumble is my favorite app out of all of them.
We were playing Call of Duty, when Superman confided in me over his headset how, “Why is it so hard to just find someone, who just wants to have sex?” I laughed because it’s pretty obvious I am one of those people. “I find it hard to believe you’re having trouble getting laid, dude,” I said to him matter-of-factly. “No, that’s not the problem,” he begins to explain, “I feel like I have to give most of these women on Tinder and Bumble false hope that a relationship may happen just to get them to sleep with me.” In Superman’s defense, it wasn’t that he was outright lying to these women; it was more of an allusion. Nonetheless, he felt slightly guilty and needed advice on how to approach women online in the future and to avoid misleading potential Stage 5 Clingers from thinking they are the only ones. Being a woman, who prowled these same apps once upon a time, I was in the same position as he. I wasn’t interested in any sort of relationships. In fact, it was rare I saw the same person twice. Granted, it might be a little different being a woman, but the following applies to women too. Whether or not you meet someone on a dating app or through a friend or at a bar, here is my advice on how to make and keep it casual.
If you aren’t honest from the beginning, you’re only creating problems for yourself. For some people, who don’t want to waste any time, it’s easier for them to be outright honest in order to pre-screen exactly what they are looking for: Just a hook-up. These people tend to give zero fucks and are likelier to go the route of, “Hey, wanna meet up and bang?” If the response is disgust, they move on to the next. More frequently it’s typically really good-looking guys, who tend to be this direct. They do it because it most-likely has worked for them more times than not. While this may work for some, it’s not ideal for most. “I’m not interested in a relationship,” or, “I’m not currently looking for a relationship,” is pretty straight-forward, letting the person know not to have high expectations of a courtship after your tryst. “I like to go with the flow and see where things go,” also works too. And seriously, do you really want to create a problem with misleading someone, who thinks they may have a chance later? A lot of people are scared of being honest with what they want, when there are PLENTY of people out there looking for just a good time and nothing more. You’ll find them. Trust me.
One of the biggest rules for no-strings flings: No sleepovers. Even if both parties involved are fully aware that it’s an FWB sort of thing, sleeping over creates familiarity. True story: I knew a guy, who hooked up with a girl for the first time one night, and the next morning as she woke from his bed, she says, “Good morning, my new boyfriend.” Yikes. Talk about awkward. If you’re constantly around each other and breakfast in bed the next morning is a recurring thing, you’re stirring a hot pot of emotions. Keep a healthy distance with your partners, not just for their sake but yours as well. If they’re capable of catching the feels, so are you.
We live in a time, where casual sex is normal. There are people out there, who don’t agree, and don’t believe in just having sex…gasp…for fun! Some even have the belief that being in long-term monogamous relationships make them superior to those, who choose not to. Don’t let those ideals get it in the way of letting you enjoy yourself.